Already Forgotten Read online



  Already Forgotten

  By: CMH

  Copyright © 2016 by C.M.H

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof

  may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever

  without the express written permission of the publisher

  except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  https://twitter.com/cmh_writer

  Table of Contents

  For You To Know

  When Can I Sleep?

  A Tragic Gift

  self-Evaluation

  Attacked From Every Angle

  A Definition of Pain

  Make Me Quit

  From The Heart

  Inside, Exterior

  The Things She Told Me

  Darker Hues and Avenues

  Where to begin?

  Papers of Martyrs

  Already Provided

  Peers

  Premade Decisions

  Deterred Pt. 1

  Deterred Pt. 2

  World Ceiling

  Special Place

  Soft Strength

  Last Day

  Living Horror

  Outlook

  Have Nothing

  Quiet in the midst of…

  Untitled

  How Will I See It?

  Recall with Regret

  For you To Have

  For You To Know

  I’ve done a great dishonor

  to myself and those who care.

  I’ve accepted the inevitable,

  and now have to leave and say goodbye.

  My apologies will come

  in various forms, in which they may

  bring some sort of relief,

  Assuming there was a lasting effect from

  the aftermath of my departure.

  There may be questions,

  but rarely are there answers.

  All I can provide

  is something I’ve never given.

  Those moments you remember me being there

  may last longer than we’ve ever thought.

  If so,

  Enjoy.

  I’ve done all I could to be apart

  of those scenes.

  Now you must play your part and carry

  the burden I could no longer handle.

  Please understand why I have done this to you.

  My own selfishness was never a factor.

  It was the reflection of many eyes

  that caused me to embrace early what was already prepared to come.

  When Can I Sleep?

  Nothing but dreams bring me peace anymore.

  Often times nightmares manifest themselves

  in reality.

  Without warning.

  Without care.

  Remnants of the ones I’ve forgotten

  appear to me unknowingly.

  Without hesitation.

  Without a word.

  Possibly because they are a part of me,

  no one else will claim them.

  They seem to wait for me while I’m awake.

  Fragments of their stories follow me.

  Cursed by what I can’t obtain,

  I wallow in whatever has been constructed,

  and then play the victim of my own creation

  Sleep brings pleasure.

  Avoidance brings withdrawal.

  Both indicate a struggle

  out of desperation.

  This cycle passes time.

  A Tragic Gift

  A tragedy has been delivered.

  Speak a prayer before discovering its contents.

  An overwhelming feeling will occur.

  Resistance is useless because connection is universal.

  Sanity will be discussed,

  Help will be offered.

  The giver of the parcel may be rewarded,

  A life of shame has its perks.

  Turmoil gets a voice.

  Hatred becomes friend.

  Betrayal walks with revenge.

  Meanwhile, a gathering is held…

  To look back is traumatizing.

  To look forward is unpleasant.

  Silence supports in the midst of anguish

  Because the torture that was received

  was too loud to comprehend.

  An advisory is distributed not soon after,

  A warning for those who can’t withstand

  Another catastrophe.

  Pre-opened and prepared,

  another disaster was sent.

  self-Evaluation

  What a failure I’ve become.

  Joy is just a hallucination I chase when sober.

  Living means survival,

  And self-loathing is the only affordable medication.

  Up next is misery…

  What an unfulfilled person I am.

  Satisfaction is more of an idea.

  Utter discontent is more accessible than a helping hand.

  I should expect even less…

  What a lie I live.

  Forced smile and laughter.

  Often times silence plays both friend and foe,

  And I have no choice in how it comforts me.

  What will I become?

  Attacked From Every Angle

  Today was filled with more grief

  than a threshold could take.

  No remorse for the delusional,

  Pity on everyone involved.

  There was no sympathy.

  There was no help.

  Why does it have to be this way?

  Is self-torment not enough?

  A broken spirit is already defeated.

  Cowards pick apart what’s left.

  Mustering up any kind of will is nearly impossible.

  Rebuilding every wall is exhausting.

  Tomorrow approaches,

  Another sequel will begin.

  Is there any hope?

  Could there possibly be a way out?

  No.

  Yes.

  Strength is within,

  Buried deeper than trauma.

  Dig.

  Search.

  Uncover.

  Maybe there’s an afterwards

  Since forever is longer than the current,

  Or maybe it’s useless.

  Can’t be.

  Finding courage means having in the moment freedom.

  Continuing to rummage must equate to serenity…

  Internal.

  A Definition of Pain

  Reaching for someone who is too far and distant

  is pure temptation brought on by a strong need.

  Suffering is merely a symptom,

  while false hope is the overall illness.

  Although awareness will take shape,

  only the minor and more controllable aches will leave.

  No cure exists,

  and no one will attempt to search for it.

  Not all ailments can be treated.

  Some must be dealt with.

  What a way to live,

  In a demise known as agony.

  Make Me Quit

  Visualizing us together soothes my heart.

  Of course, I can’t have you.

  You exist in your own world,

  And I don’t exist at all.

  All I do is wish for some kind of acknowledgment from you.

  A letter,

  A message,

  A glance.

  Something that will justify me hoping that we’ll be together.

  Far reaching dreams are only wished for and are rarely achieved.

  Quitting is recommended,

  but substituting it with a close second is an easier choice.

  This mental addiction can be rehabi
litated by you.

  Fix me or let me wither.

  These choices,

  You never knew them.

  From The Heart

  They say destiny is real,

  Which means in the end our love will be true.

  What it is now is a glimpse of fate.

  Our growth through the years has been nothing but inspiring.

  Truthfully, what we have is more special than seasons changing along with time.

  How they stay in synch without communication

  reminds me of us.

  Blessings come in various ways,

  the rarest being human.

  In you, there is an angel.

  On the outside, radiance in its most genuine design.

  Withholding feelings is the worse decision an admirer could make.

  Constant regret ails the heart in more ways than one.

  Unfortunately, it hasn’t changed.

  Therefore, I reveal these words to you in the best way possible…

  With honesty and affection.

  My old friend,

  My current infatuation.

  We’ve never acted on our instincts and came together;

  We only mentioned them and laughed at what should’ve been.

  I realize that I’m hooked on a fantasy

  While you carried on in reality.

  Ironically, I find comfort in that.

  And although we’re still young and our friendship is old,

  I find solace in the possibility of us in the future.

  A real life fantasy experienced by both of us.

  And lived in…

  Forever.

  Inside, Exterior

  Beauty has its place,

  The mind is most suitable.

  Abstract expressions are formed there,

  Along with clear imagery.

  Distorted visions come from the outside:

  Cloudy and dense,

  Full of false realism,

  Marked with symbols of vile ideals.

  Blind sight is aesthetically clear.

  One look for all.

  Occasional change is charity work,

  Crowd control, and bandwagon propaganda tactics.

  A common fallacy,

  To dispute labels to an oddity

  by an unfit conglomerate

  Adhering to aged standards and practices.

  Skewed views and mistaken perfection,

  Toying with sentiments.

  An attempt to disguise the plethora of distractions.

  Since a competition must have a winner,

  Display the centerpiece.

  Worship all the glory.

  The reward is neglect

  inside of one’s character.

  Blessings have their weight

  so idols give none.

  Introspection deserves contemplating.

  A wise assessment

  In order to peer through stacked layers

  Presently in charge.

  The Things She Told Me

  When I asked her about worth,

  she defined it herself.

  My follow up question pertained to love.

  She smiled and told me it was a journey

  instead of an emotion.

  My next question was about money.

  After scoffing and sighing she explained the gap between us.

  Her thoughts on children came next.

  She called them a blessing and a choice.

  I asked her about work,

  and we both agreed on our appreciation of it.

  Then she added the facts about her opportunities

  and my already established place.

  Before long the roles reversed and she asked me something I couldn’t answer.

  She told me it was due to my avoidance of

  the subject that I had no